So another Christmas has come and gone, and I can't say I really noticed it. Am I kturning cold and oblivious to things around me? God forbid. I am however turning smart and watching out for my own personal well being more. Friday I spent the entire day with lauren. We had lunch at chili's, we went to best buy and to the mall, we took a nap at her place, then we came to my houce to get my stuff and back to her place to get ready to go out. Her friends mrtin adn Andrew picked us up and we went down to the 02. It was awesome, Lauren and I are both 5'11" and shes a gorgeous blonde so we're both tall and when we walk in all eyes are on us. We justlaughed and we danced around and had a good time. I saw Adam and joe there and joe was trying to get all up on me. He fed me all this omg i really like you blah blah, youre so sexy, you smell so good, youre amazing. And i said, Joe, if I was all of this, why didnt you call me??? he gave me some lame response about adam telling him to back off. Adam is Jasons cousin, wouldnt Adam be the one to back off since I DATED HIS COUSIN!? hello?!?!? But anyway, Joe kept trying to kiss me and it felt really good to turn him down and say no. He is cute, but I was glad that i was able to stand up for myself and not give in to his bullshit. Then after the bar closed we were all outside and all of a sudden I hear "Lisaaaa lisaaaa this is God speaking! Come to me my child!" So i start to freak out and wonder just how drunk I was, then I see Rudy and Sam and George there and they start to crack up. They invited me to go downtown with them to the ER for after hours, but of course i didnt go. Then I get Sam calling my cell phone asking me out ona date for sat night. So i was like Sam, i'm mikes ex gf! Hes like, mike wont mind! Bullshit, i dont know whats up with my ex bf's friends wanting to get with me. It was a weird night. Then Lauren and i go back to her place and attempt to pass out, and her phone rings off the hook with guys wanting to come over, and lauren being as drunk as she was kept saying I'm in bed with Lisaaaaaaaaa my loverrrrrrr, so of course the guys were like oooooh tell me more. Then my cell phone starts ringing and i was like....what the hell is this?! It was one crazy night. I cant wait for new years, I hope to spend it with my friends and people I really care about! Maybe by then I will have moved out of my house and in with lauren! Wish me luck!

Good Lord, I feel shitty right now. I don't know if it has anything to do with the amount of liqour and beer and wine i've consumed in the past week, but something needs to be done about it. This week has been a week of epiphanies and I've seen things that I had been blind to and I know more about myself and the person I want to be "when I grow the fuck up". What do I mean by that? Let me bore you while I elaborate on that. I am hot. That's just a fact of life and both you and I know this. I am a sweet, nice, good looking, funny, crazy, sexy, noble, overall amazing chick. Most people just know that I'm cute, because that's all they see. I found out that it's totally my fault because that is the image I give off of me. I dress in hoochie mama tops or a skirt and people say woah, shes hot and skanky, break me off a peice of that. Now, I dont mind the compliments or the stares or the comments. I love attention, who doesnt, right? Well now I started to feel like I would much rather get attention for my awesome personality. I'm sick of people not wanting to take a deeper look and get to know me as a person. Agreed, I am fully responisble for this and I dont have to put up with it if I dont want to. Which is why I've decided to just give up on humanity. I have friends (but thats another epiphany) who do know me and who do love me, and its not based on looks or how good I make you look in front of your buddies. Their love is sincere and unconditional and I know they wont stop speaking to me if I look fat in my new jeans. So to any and all males who are only interested in me sexualy, i'd like to salute you with something we call "the deuce". The second epiphany I've reached is one of friendship. Some of you guys stink as friends. Leslie for one, has dissapointed me more than I ever though possible. I think it's the fact that she moved to Dallas 1 week after highschool graduation and dropped out of UNT 1/2 way through the first semester. She moved to Dallas with her boyfriend Chuck, who became her fiancee, who she later brok eup with but remained roomates with. Leslie didnt really make any friends in Dallas and I would hear about this when we talked on the phone. Finally she moved back to El Paso and I was excited and hoping things would be fun, but I feel like she's still stuck in highschool. Maybe she didnt mature the way the rest of us have because she missed college and now shes being an idiot because of it. I had tried calling several times and been unsuccessful, she sent me a x-mas card and I finally got ahold of her on sunday and I explained how I thought our friendship was shitty and we should try to work on it. Her reply: She has a new boyfriend and right now all she wants to do is focus on him. She didnt have fun going out with me and the girls and she would rather not go out with us again, but I KNOW that I can call her anytime I need a friend. right. For Leslie's sake, I hope she marry's this guy and I hope they last forever because I feel incredibly betrayed by her. What the hell is your problem when your best friend from highschool calls you to try to save your friendship and get close to you again and you come out with some, sorry but my boyfriend means more to me than you bullshit? It makes me sick just thinking about it. So whats my point? I've learned that theres things about myself that I need to change if I want my value as a human being to be based on my actions and acheivements rather than my T&A. I've learned that the word friend holds alot of meaning and power and if you can count your real friends on one hand, then you're a lucky person.

GET WELL SOON P-DAWG PLAYA FO SHIZLLE MY NIZZLE OFF THE HIZZLEEY-AY-YO-YIPPY-YAY WITH DA ERRRR FORCE ONEZ CAUSE DAYUM BOY I BE'Z LOVING YOU LIKE A FAT KID LOVES CAKE. werd. Now that I got all that out of my system, I'd like to say that I feel sad. I shouldnt feel sad because I went shopping on friday and I partied like a rock star (a COOL rock star, not the lame one Paulo turns into when hes all crunk) and I had alot of fun, so WHY AM I BUMMED NOW!? Maybe I turned into an alcoholic and my body is going through withdrawl. I swear, there was NOTHING to drink in that cabin that wasnt alcoholic. I just wanted some water, but I wsnt about to drink tap water. :( I had beer for breakfast (corona) Wine for lunch (Pinoit Noir) Red Bull and Vodka for Diner And sensible snacking on 3-D cool ranch doritos, hornitos, dos xx, bud light and michelobe ultra. I tried new things (oatmeal stout, pale ale, arrogant bastard, red sail and some other beer I cant think of) It was ridiculous, but I had a blast! It wouldve been a little better had I not been the only girl there, but I'm always down to hang with the boys and I love it. They always take care of me and scare off assholes who try to hit on me. hahaha Now I'm back in my office, back at work, and all I can think is, fuck, I want a beer. ****edit**** I got off my ass and added comments, so get crazy and comment!

Le Friday Five 1. What food do you like that most people hate? Cheetos with pickle juice and Red Devil hot sauce!!! 2. What food do you hate that most people love? I hate chocolate mints. They make me so sick. But I'm not a picky eater. 3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you? Ben Affleck. I think he's one ugly mofo. 4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find attractive? FRED DURST! I have a huge crush on him, I think he's brutally hott! I also dig Jesse James ALOT. 5. What popular trend baffles you? Those Steve Madden high-healed sneakers. I don't get it? Who the hell wants to wear athletic shoes with a stilleto heal and pointy toe? The End.

PAULO I LOVE YOU!!! Thanks to Paulo I have a new home on the net! Isn't he the best for setting this up for me? Thank you thank you thank you Paulo! <3333 This Layout was made by me, It's a rip off from the Juicy Couture site, not really, but kinda sorta. I also made this using css! :O I am so proud of me. It's actually quite easy once you figure it out. It looks great on my computer, i dont know about yours. :D Ok well, I guess Ill go work on some content.....bwahahaha yeah right. Once again....I <3 Paulo!

NEW LAYOUT!!!@##@!!#@$%!~ Thanks to MAX for making this super great layout for me! He even made it so that I can have *gasp* content! hahaha, none of the links work yet, I'll work on em today! meow! DONT FORGET TO BUY ME SOMETHING FOR MY NEW PAD! That is all.

listen to m shoutcast right now!!

Hi! I am updating with some breaking news! I am being forced to move out of my home and I am moving out, on my own, in the scary real world for the first time in about 2 weeks! :O Me so scared! I need alot of stuff, actually I need EVERYTHING! So lets cut the crap and get to the point. I work for a non-profit org, I'm poor, and after I pay for rent, I'll be dirt poor! I need some things for my new pad, so here I am, whoring myself out for wishlist items. It's for a good cause though! so click click clickety clack and help a sistah out! What I really need is a bed, so if you got me something like, oh say, the futon, id be your slave for life! No kidding, I'd really do it! I make a damn good slave. meow! PLEASE PLEASE PUH PUH PUH LEAZEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! thanks! (ok this is where i stop whoring myself out) :D

HI MR. BUSE!

I'M BAAAACK! Thanks GT for being the bestest host ever! <33333 And a special thanks to Jimmy for allowing me to keep my hosting even though I dont meet the new nudity guidelines. hahaha I have a BUTTLOAD of junk to post, so I'll come back later and do it.

According to this I will live to be 87. Isn't that terrible? I don't want to be that old. Anyway, I think I need to do something with the site. Vamp it up, make it cutting edge and interactive. My 2 readers should have a good time when coming here. I know Gaby and Lencho always ask me to update, but they don't realize just what a busy working woman I have become. The world of non-profit is non stop chaos. So between me chatting with Ju-Ju on messenger and eating peanut butter m&m's and drinking coke, I have no time to update. When I'm at home I have episodes of Real World Paris to watch and let's not forget The Look for Less on the Style channel. I love that show! I want to meet Chip and Pepper, they are absolutely amazing! Have you seen the outfits they put together on those limited budgets, not to mention limited time! Pure genius! I think they have their own store in LA somewhere. I've been looking on the web for it, but I haven't found anything. Oh well. I have a really awesome e-mail pal that I "met" under the weirdest circumstance. He is such a genius! He makes me think about the way I want other people to see me, and he always asks me the most interesting questions. Here is a little excerpt (spelling?) from an e-mail he sent me a few days ago that really made me think and then go "hmmm". Hey, we had a discussion with Dr. Drew from Loveline this past weekend and there were some interesting things that were brought up. You should stay away from guys who you are extremely attracted to because they are unhealthy for you. Why? Because the risk is high (the reason girls like the bad boys) which makes them attractive. Yet, you should seek guys that you like but have a healthy balance. It's a combination of excitement from the risks that are involved in the relationship, and experiences of past relationships (such as your father or other relationships). This probably makes no sense to you, but a couple of questions... What type of guys are you extremely attracted to? What type of guy do you wish to marry? Compare the two. I am interested to hear what you think. So I started to compare the type of guy I'm physical attracted to to the kind of guy that I want to marry, and WOW! They are 2 totally different people! I'm sure we all have these ideas of who we want to marry and the hottie you met at the bar last week is hardly marriage material, but you still go for it because you're human and youre retarded. Dr. Drew is so smart! What do you think? Let me know in the comments. Which brings me to another question, what is the dirtiest/funniest/lamest thing you've ever said or heard in bed? I have gotten some really funny answers to this, so don't be such a prude and let me know. If I'm not getting any action I should be able to live vicariously through all of you! And that's all I have to say about that.

I have been neglecting my site for quite some time now. I guess I'm kind of starting to lose interest, that or my life has too much going on for me to dedicate any time to the internet. ANYWAY, this past Saturday was Shibby Gibby's 23rd b-day. My God woman, in 5 years you'll be 28! Hopefully I'll be done with college by then. We met at Grahms Corner, then we all headed out to Cincinnatti street and went to Hemingways and then we went to chilli blues. Gaby tried to do a beer bong at chili blues, but I dont think she quite got the concept of how to take a beer from a beer bong. The following picture shows Gibby's attempt at the beer bong, courtesy of Yanar's phone. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Here's a picture of Ju-Ju, myself, and Matt outside of Hemingways. I love my friends! i love em I love em I love em!

Growing up is such a bitch. The past few weeks have been nothing if not from hell. I have been under an un-real amount of stress and I have been belittled and humiliated. The real world was feeding me a pile of hot shit and it didnt even have the courtesy to use a silver spoon. But now a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and although not everything is pretty and pink in my life, I feel alot better now about things. I have to say that the reason I didn't lose my mind in these weeks is because of my friends. They have been so wonderfully suportive in more ways than one. I adore you guys to death! Ju-Ju, Leslie, Nepha, Gaby, Meg, Cesar, Denise, Lencho, Eric, and all the people I talk to online. You've all really made me realize just how much I can give back to the world and you made me smile when I had a mouth full of steaming hot shit. I love you all. My life is by no means in order, but it feels good knowing that I have people around me who love me and care about me so much.

The AC at my house just broke, it's 99 degrees outside.....HELP!

Hi I'm back. If anyone tried calling me at work this past week, please call back, i accidentally deleted all my voicemail now I'm majorly screwed. Dont think i didnt want to call you back, I'm just an idiot. Thanks.

The Papparazzi Found Me~!!#@!!$%! And yes, I was on the clock while I did that. (notice the camera in-hand as i danced away) I love my job. I get paid to act like a total ass! I was thinking about Dave Matthews Band a while ago while I sat here at my desk procrastinating the unreal amounts of work I have and disregarding the August 25th deadline I have to meet for this. I was thinking, man, Dave Matthews Band is pretty damn good. I was thinking about the ride to the concert in Leslie's Truck, where she and I and Aaron and Javi sang along to our favorite Dave songs at the top of our lungs. It was a great feeling to be with other people who like something just as much as you do and dont groan and complain when you pop in the cd in your car. I cant help but feel really happy thinking about that moment in Leslies Truck. I felt good, happy, in place. It's one of those memories that you know you're going to tresure for the rest of your life and look back upon and remeber how good it was to be young. I'm really glad I went. Thanks Pinky. :)

Guess who's Back.... If you guessed Lisa, you're right. :D I hate being outdoors, so I'm glad to be back in my little office on my kick ass computer writing about how much i hate being outdoors. Summer Camp wasnt that bad. Despite the fact that I hurt my ankle. :( The doctor said I tore some ligaments in my ankle, it's so fucked up. It looks absolutely horrifying. I just hope it gets better FAST. I am so pissed of that my ankle looks like this. ughhhhhh i hate you%@#$@!~@$ Anyway I also went to the big D and saw what was possibly the greatest concert ever given by Mister Dave Matthews and his band. It was in-fucking-credible!##@!@ I wish I hadnt been so drunk anc I would remember more, but damn, it was great!!!! I also got to hang out with Leslie which was awesome. She was a most gracious host. She's moving back to El Pisshole so its gonna be great. Her and I laugh so much when we're together. i <3 you Bimbo!!!! anyway, my ankle is hurting, i had to carry some boxes back up to my office from the parking lot, remind me to stop tryng to be so damn tough. :/

I'll be gone for 2 weeks. Its the time of year where i go off to the woods and rough it at summer camp. (i'll also be seeing DMB in dallas) toot toot! Be back next wednesday!

Some people are so fuckin paranoid. You know who you are.

Do you know Frank Sinatra? He's Dead.

Dear Gibber-Gabber, Hi. You suck! Love, Lissey-Wissey I now expect a phone call from you Gibby, asking why you suck, but I'll give you a hint. It starts with "You never answer" and it ends with "your phone!@@" Pinche-Pinche Gaby! I'm not mad anyway, cause I had a huge headache last night and I wouldnt have wanted to go to Tuna's anyway. :P But Nepha says that we're through counting on you for partying purposes, you're not in the club anymore Gabs! Girl Gang no love you! The only way to redeem yourself is if we all take a class together next semester (like Golf) and have fun! Guys, think about it, taking golf would be so fun! Gaby can learn about the game and then you can know what Daniel is talking about! And Nepha, well, Mario isnt a golf guy, but, we can talk shit about people and have yet another professor hate the crap out of us and give us C's in his PE credit class! Remember how fun tennis was? So what do you say girls? Let's all take one for the team and do something together in our last semester at college together. That or we can pledge for some sorority, oh wait, they all hate us. :( We can start our own and let juju be the gay president! I <3 it, MTV will totally pick us up for next season. Anyway, I love life, kinda. July is going to be a great month, I have every weekend for that month booked solid, but maybe I can pencil you in. :P I feel a little crazy in the coconut today. For the people who could care less about the preceeding imaginary conversation I had with my friends, I can talk to you about the new wallet i bought. It's pink, and it has a tan leather strap and its a Lauren by Ralph Lauren wallet. I also bought a bunch of other stuff, but whatever. They have these really cute Coach sandals that I want to get, but I'm debating. I am having Mediterranean for lunch in a while here. That's about it. <3

Hi, I'm still hungover! :D New layout, working on the rest! toot toot beep beep <3

Happy Birthday to me!!! Yesterday was really fun. The gang and I went to Tuna's and had a blast drinking there. Ju-Ju took some pictures so i'll just post those. And that was the night in a nutshell. Some friends and i, going from sober and cute, to drunk and moronic. I love you guys! <3 :P

I just broke a peice of my wisom tooth off. :( Send get well soon cards ASAP.

wow, isnt it funny how some things work out? It seems that when you've lost faith in everyone and everyting, and youv been lied to so many times you dont even know whats real and what isnt. i am 4 days away from turning 22, and in the past few months ive learned so much about me; who i am, what i want to be and what i want and need from other people. I need the following: -friendship -trust -kindness -truth -laughs -sincerity -hugs I dont need: -lies -fakeness -rudeness -fair weathered friendship -lies -lies -lies So basically, I've been screwed over, big fuckin deal, who hasnt. Someone once told me you always rach a point when you just look at someone and think, that its the one last time yu can let them ge away with something. I know people have felt that way about me. Despite everything, it all works out in the end. I know who my friends are, I know who the people who genuinely care about me are. I dont know where I'd be without my friends. You guys mean th world to me. And i better see ALL OF YOU (that means you too lencho) at Tunas on thursday! THE PLAN -go to Aceitunas at about 7 pm -get a table and start drinking -sing happy birthday and Las Ma�anitas -have all of you buy me a shot -puke in the pond -get that certain someone fired -keep on partying! Sounds like a plan? Toot Toot! Its going to be great! Gaby, plz take a nap or make arrangements to miss class on friday. All you other summer schoolers, same goes for you. Aaron, i know youre too young and can't go, I told you you should've stolen Billy's ID, you guys are like twins! :X I'm happier than I've been in a long time! <3

I'm so dissapointed. You piss me off. :(

Ooops, I'm a moron. It should work now, so go take it. No new updates or boobs till you do! Take my Quiz Jerks!

Last night was so much fun. It was a total Girls Nigh Out! Gaby, (and Daniel) Nepha, Karla, Karla, Ariana, Natalia, Brenda, Ju-Ju and I went to Aceituna's! We got there and it was super packed full of people, like you could barely even walk around, but we had a table there so it was gravy. I saw so many people there that I knew who I hadnt seen in along time. I saw Brian Givens and I think after that little indecent proposal he made me at Joe Wardy's victory party, he lost all his cuteness. I talked to him for a while though because Brenda wanted to hook up with his roomate. I saw this guy, Peque. Him and I made out a few times when I was a freshman in college and he's one of Gaby's bf's best friends. Well, like a few weeks after Peque and I were making out, Gaby and I were at the country club and we were in the bathroom and this girl walks in. They talk and whatever, then I ask her who she is and she tells me she's Peques gf's. And so I said, woah, the same peque I've been making out with? And Gaby and I are like, what a dog, he totally cheated on his gf. :( Well we went outside and Peque was waiting for his gf there, it was akward but whatever, we were pretty buzzed. So last night him and I talked for a while. He asked me where we were going afterwards and I told him I had to take Nepha and Ju-Ju to their car, and he was like, well come to stampede with me. hello! Anyway, I didnt end iup going because he's a jerk that cheats on his gf's. :( But i like him. Oh well, whatever.my b-0day is 2 weeks away. I know we're going to Tuna's that night fo' sho'! This probably made no sense to anyone who doesnt know me. I have some cool ideas i "borrowed" from Ryan that I'm gonna use for my new layout. toot toot. Dawsons Creek finale = saddest thing ever I cried. Damn you Gaby!

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The shit has hit the fan yet again everyone. I'm such a drama queen, so disregard anything I may say. I'm still kind of bummed out about certain things (those of you close to me know why) and I'm starting to realize that men suck, and that I suck even harder for being so damn co-dependent. I guess I have Ryan to thank for me realizing that I'm such a co-dependent infantile little bitch. I kind of lose it when all atention isnt focused on me 200%. But hey, at least I can admit that. Regardless, I'm feeling better now and I'll probaby forget about it by next week. My birthday is coming up. Its 17 days away. I'll be 22, but I'm actually happy about it now, because, well I dont know why, I just am. I've had alot of those "closure" moments recently, and I realized that no matter how much I miss highschool and the way my life was back then, I have to look ahead and focus on my future, not lament the past. Yeah, so anyway Meg Ju-Ju and I went to Natalies graduation party, which we kind of had trouble finding since it was in the Northeast and we don't ever go there. Northeast El Paso is kind of scary, so we had to stop at a gas station twice and look on maps to find the place. After that I called CornFed and him an Wes and Tony were going to go to the Bryar Patch so we all met up with them there. It wasnt too action packed, but it was fun. I <3 gay bars, they have the best juke boxes. Where else can you play anyMadonna song ever released or hear a bunch of guys singing all the words to "It's Raining Men"??!?! I love it. *sigh* I still feel weird, fhdkjghjhgsjxfhgkjd. Ryan tried to trick me and have some funny aim convo with me about gonorreah, but I was MUCH too smart for him. The actual convo was great, but he had to edit it so he would look triumphant for his readers. Let the truth be known, I knew it was him all along! hahahaha! sucka! :P Work sucks, I have nothing to do. I just sit and wait for some of the kids to stop by so we can all shoot some pool. Susy blows. thx

HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD SCHOOL IS OVER AND SUMMER IS HERE! Finals are over and done with, and now, it is time to party my friends. Last summer was an exceptional amount of fun, and I'm sure that this summer will be even better, if at all possible. Last night I called Corn-Fed and he was with Wes at the gas station, and they told me they were going to pick me up, so be ready in 15. Well I get ready and I have no intention of driving, but Corn-Fed tells me he just came to drop Wesley off and that he was out of there. So I ended up driving me and Wes to Ju-Ju's house and then we went to King's X. Meg came over to King's X too and we were all just out on the patio talking and catching up with Wes since he just disapears months at a time. He just needs to get over Nikki and move on. That girl looks like a boy and she dresses like crap. Anyway... Meg isnt sure where she wants to go to Law School anymore. She was thinking she would just go to UT Austin since they gave her a full ride, but she really wanted to go to U. of Chicago, but I dont think she liked it too much when she visited last month. Then Ju-Ju wants her to go to Berkly so he can go visit her and get queer in San Fran. I want meg to go to NYU, so I can visit her there. All the people she works with right now at the judges office are telling her to go to NYU too. I think she should just pick the lawschool with the cutest boys. hahaha Ok i dont, but I think NYU is great! And she said if she did go to NYU her and I could go to Buffalo and look for Luke. (i hope hes not reading this!) I'm just so happy for Meg, shes done with all this under-grad bullshit and now she's going to leave us and go to law school. I told her shed have to support me when she graduated. Since she'll be entirely too busy to do anything but work, I'll be shopping for her drab boring suits and making her the hottest lawyer around! So anyway, maybe it turns out that some guysdo care about how many chicks they sleep with. I think anyone can get laid, but the trick is not having sex just for the pure carnal pleasure of it all. I know i've turned down one nighters before, just because I cant really see the point of sleeping with someone when theres no emotions involved. yeah, ok. I've been watching waaaaaay too much dawsons creek lately. Why can't I date a guy like Pacey instead of the usual scumbag assholes that I date? Any guys watch dawsons creek that arent gay? If so, please date me. thx.

Anxiety sucks. Don't you hate that uneasy feeling you get and you just cant shake it off, you cant relax for a little tiny bit? I've had it for a while now. Arial has it too. Maybe it's because we both live in the same city and the water is making us go psycho. I told him to dig a tunel from his house to mine to kill the anxiety. hehehehe :/ Paulo isn't going to Vegas anymore, which makes me glad my friends and I arent going to Vegas anymore either cause then we'd have Paulo's overly un-sensetive friends hitting on us! :P j/k P-Dawg Susy sounds like a 7 yr old on speed on the phone! Skeletor! etc We had a fun time talking on the phone making fun of a certain someone who shall remain nameless (Skeletor) hahahaha Do you ever feel like something is missing in your life, and just when you think you found it, you realize that nothing is quite what it seems to be? I live in such a fantasy world i swear. At tim like this I just try to stay positive and I remember how hard it was for me do deal with having cancer and all the things I overcame and all the odds I beat. Sometimes life doesnt seem worth trying for anymore, but I remeber that I was totally given a second shot at life and I dont think I wouldve gotten it if someone didnt think i deserved it and knew that I would someday be happy. *sigh* I havent been completely happy the past few days, now I know why and I'm doing something about it. I hate the way that I let other people have some control over my feelings. It sucks, it blows, and I once again vow to never let that happen again. I dont know if that person is reading this, or even knows this is about them, but if the shoe fits...... I have finals tomorrow, wish me luck! Hopefully the anxiety will go away after that. Ugh..l tottally forgot. Amado Pe�a, (he'a a southwest paintor) who gave me a scholarship is going to be in town and invited me and some other people bowling then to Cafe Central. I have to find something scholarly and sweet to wear. I'm gonna hit him up for an increase in my scholarship, The anxiety will end when he says "yes". :D ohhhhh before I forget, RYAN, THE LAKERS WILL ALWAYS ROCK!

I'm sick of everything school related. I hate it allllll. The only thing I'm going to miss in the summer is the people at school, the Escalade guys, and Scoopy's. I can always drive up there anyway. I have all 3 of my finals on Thursday, which should be fun. :/ But hey, summer is officially less than a week away and I am ready for it. Although we wont be going to Vegas as planned, we might go some other time during the summer. I know Gaby and Nepha are going to come to Dallas with Aaron and I, so it'll be fun. I might go to PHX with JImmy this summer too, but he's too skanky and I dont know if I can keep up with his party mode. Cesar asked me to go to Miami in the summer with him too, but I dont want to go there! Theres so many hott chicks with gorgeous faces, big fake boobs and tight abs, I don't need any low self esteem. anyway... This weekend was a blast yet again. Friday I went to Erin's Bar again with Ju-Ju, Margaret, Albert, Yanar, Yazmin, and Jacob. We had a blast just being retards and dancing around. Some gross old man gave me a kiss on the cheek, which totally freaked me out. Then on Sat. I went to Joe Wardy's victory party, which was super fun. I got so trashed and afterwards Ju-Ju and I went to the Bryar Patch (gay bar) and we hung out there, Corn-Fed was there so we had a blast talking with him and all these other gay guys that kept saying hi to us. I realized alot of things this weekend too, as far as things that make me happy and things that stress me out. I have decided to stop selling myself so damn short all the time and letting people walk over me, because it's getting old already. I am getting older and I'm realizing that my life is totally what I make of it. I haven't ever really spoken up or done anything to help me out of fear. Fear of my peers and elders, and fear of failing. But now that I've been taking risks, I see that you don't always fail and that trying things out can only make me a stronger person. oooooookay ::gets off soapbox:: I'm working on a new layout, maybe i'll stop being lazy and finish it, who knows! and i have a question: Do guys ever worry that their number of sex partners is too high? Hit up the comments and let me know!

I had a nice long post typed up, but blogger killed it. :/ It said stuff about erins on friday, coach poss's party on saturday, how I have tonsillitis and i sound like robocop and the godfather, etc etc etc. I'm pissed now.

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Yesterday was a very interesting day. I went to school, went to Jack in the Box, and then I went to Gaby and Nepha's. We hung out for a while, then I called Mike, who I had talked to on aim the night before. He was in town staying at his mom's place, he had come so she could meet her grandduaghter. Isn't that insane? A guy that I dated last year is now a dad. So i called him, and he told me to go over so I could see his baby, and as I was driving over there I was shitting bricks. I was really nervous and excited and scared and I was just wondering what it would be like to see him holding his baby. Well when I saw Coriel, I was just in awe, she was so beautiful and chubby (i love fat babies) and her eyes were sooo blue. She looks just like Mike. Then we went back to Gaby and Nepha's so they could see Coriel and they flipped too. She is such a gorgeous baby! As far as what I felt when I saw Mike, I couln't help but think he was hott, because well, he is. He is the embodiment of a "Lisa Guy" physically and I did swoon when I saw him, but he's married, although he kind of implied that he wasn't happy with the marraiage at all. He asked me to go out for a drink with him that night, and I said yes, but we didnt end up going, which is just as good, because I don't know how 2 people with a past like ours might have handled the situation with a few drinks in us. Instead Ju-Ju came down to Las Cruces too and him and Nepha and I went to Grahm's and partied it up there. We were in Ju-Ju's car drinking some tall boys and we started talking about something really weird, I can't even remember, but it had to do with penis, and Ju-Ju said that it had to go on the website, so here it is! Nepha and I were silly hott after the tall boys and we were just dancing around at the club, trying to shake off the gross guys. This one guy came up to me and put a lei on me, he was with one of my guy friends, just a HUGE creep. Then when we were leaving, he RAN after me, and he started feeding me some bullshit story about how I just thought he was a drunk ass trying to hook up, but he really "wanted to get to know me" and wanted my number. So I gave him Gaby and Nepha's number! hahaha Then after that, we drove by the Pi Kappa Alpha house and there were a lot of cars, so we figured they were having a little party, sure enough I see a bunch of skank ass Pi Betta Phi's walk out and then we see THE Escalade. So we stake it out for a while, but the guy doesnt come out, but a bunch of other people do, so we take off. But then Nepha and I went back like at 3:00 am and left a note on his car. Psycho much? yeah But we were pretty drunk so it made PERFECT sense to do it. I am serious this time. I vow to quit drinking. I'm such an asshole when I drink, I hate it. I left a note on some guys car telling him he was cute and he should call me......I've reached a new all-time low. Well, maybe he will call and take me to formal! hahaha

Yesterday was a blast as well. I was walking around campus and I bumped into Victor, for those of you that know, Tonchi-Tonchis! hahahahaha So we're walking and making small talk and he asks me for my number because he lost it when he switched cell phones, I couldn't be rude so I gave it to him and he asked if I wanted to go out with him sometime. I said sure, but I don't think I would. Proof that I am not a gold digger and I don't date guys based on monetary intentions. Then I bumped into Gaby outside of the library and I got to wait for her while her lame-ass study group and her did their work. I swear, she has the most annoying classmates in her program. I dont know what I would do if I was her. Then we went to grb a bite to eat at the mall, and we went back to her place and watched Dawson's Creek and Sleepless in Seattle. Aaron called me and asked me if I would pick him up and go get something to eat, so I did that too. I picked him and Dan the Man up and we went to subway and I watched them eat and listen to their asshole remarks. Then I dropped them back off so they could finish their engineering project. Then Gaby was too tired to go out, so we just watched TV for a while. Then Dan and Aaron call back at like 11:30 and ask me if I want to go have a beer with them at the TKE house so of course I said yes, but then 12:30 rolls around and they aren't there. :( We werent even able to get any beer by the time they showed up, so we just stayed there and watched tv, then we went to Jack in the Box. That was my awesome night. Hanging out with Dan was awesome, just laughing at all the dumb ass shit we did last year and reminicing about the days when we were neighbors and would swipe stuff from each others fridges. hahaha Aaron kept cracking both of us up, and I'm sure the boat will bring even more awesome times. Those Delta Zeta and Zeta Tau Alpha skanks better watch out.

Last night was such a blast! Ju-Ju, Gaby, Nepha, Margaret,Charlie and I went to Double Daves. It was an awesome time. We drank LOTS of Woodchuck and we had a great time. We met some weird guys there, there wereTONS of hot guys, and best of all, I saw Brian Givens there. He cut his hair! :( He no longer has that cute blonde 'fro that set him apart from everyone else, but he looks waaaaaay hott without it. We talked for a while and he was really sweet as usual, and I couldnt stop smiling. :D After DD's we went to Grahms Corner and had a drink there, but it was kind of lame so we went to Erin's, which was packed, but we all looked like trash, and there were some skanky girls there, so we didnt meet any guys there. We sang kareoke (because thats what drunk people do best) and we picked Gin and Juice as our song. You shouldve seen when the song started, like 10 people ran up there and started singing with us. We totally rocked that bar, more so than the guy who had just done Ice Ice Baby!!! hahahaha We were all pretty tired after that and Gaby and Nepha still had to drive to Las Cruces, so we all headed on out home.Saturday I think Gaby and I are going to the activation party for the geeks, errr, i mean TKE's, hahaha, j/k boys!

I had the weirdest dream last night. Nepha, you're going to kill me for even DREAMING about any other guy at school again (Escalade Pike guy who might be trailer guy but we're not sure who's who anymore). I had a dream, with Luke. hahaha yes it was a wondeful dream. He called me from Buffalo and told me that he couldn't get me out of his mind, and that he hadnt felt that way about anyone in a long time. So somehow, he ends p driving back to NMSU and picking me up and taking me back to Buffalo. The whole time I'm like, how can this guy be so sweet? He takes me to his house in Buffalo, I meet his parents and his little sister, and we just end up cuddling and hugging and I swear it felt soooooo real. (doesnt it always) It was just so weird that I wuld even dream something like that about Luke, but yeah. I dont think he's going to be calling my ass anytime soon. hahaha He's a moron. Anyway... I went to Mitla with the gang on Saturday like I had mentioned. Heres a few pictures of the trip to Juarez: Julian's self portrait in Al-Pals Cherokee, Meg is the blonde looking out the window. Me drinking a Tecate, it was sooo good! (even though HE disagrees!) Fat Albert and Ju-Ju posing with the stuffed dear head right by our table. It grossed Margaret out to look at it while she was eating! This is what we all ate, a sirloin steak that was falling off te plate. They have the best sirloin there, hands down! I didnt finish it, but I did pretty good. After our glutonous adventure at the Mitla, we went over to Applebee's in Juarez and had some Dos XX Brewtus'. That girl was our bartender and she ended up being super awesome. We al took her partying with us afterward to Hippo's! Like I said, good times! The girls name was Gina and she's from Guadalajara and used to work as a bartender on the beach at Puerto Vallarta. She doesnt speak english very well, but we all speak fluent spanish so we were able to talk. She told us about this one time, when the other girls that worked at the bar would "teach her" english. Well one day, Kobe Bryant comes to her bar, and her "friends" prompt her to speak english like they had taught her to Kobe. So she walkes up to him, sets a napkin down, looks up, smiles and then says "Hi Nigger!" hahahahahahhahaha Kobe didnt stay for a drink! hahahaha She has some whack ass friends, shes lucky she didnt get her face beaten in. My spring break is over. :( booo But i get to go back to school and work and not be a bum all day. I am planning on going to vegas as soon as finals are over! Which is the first week in may. I need to stop eating junk as of NOW and going back to the gym. I'll save a ton of money from eating out anyway. Im thinking about finding another job also. Maybe at a bar? haha who knows. I'll have to see what teh situation is like. Ok i officially make no sense. I'll stfu before Ruca features me on "cam girls say the dumbest things" on Cam Mafia!

OMG!!! I am going to see DMB with Aaron this summer in Dallas! Un-fuckin-belivable! I am so stoked, we got awesome seats, we're going to road trip, we're going to have a blast! AARON I LOVE YOU$#@#@%#@! I am about to go to Juarez to have lunch with Al-Pal, Ju-Ju,and Meg. We're going to this place called Mitla, so fuckin good. I'll take the cam with me and get pictures! ahhh I;m bouncing off the walls! bye!

HE made THIS for me. I love him. Sorry for the lack of updates, but I havent been feeling like myself lately. I'm kind of confused about alot of things and i'm not sure whats real and what isn anymore. All I do know is that this feeling will go away soon and soon enough I'll have answers to alot of my quesions. Do you ever feel like youre a huge joke? Thats kind of how I feel right now. I miss schooland work, I'll be glad once I go back. It's hard to try to fill the emptiness on your own. I had some doubt before, but now I'm sure. Mayb I'm too sensetive. I do know one thing though, I am not going to be played for a fool anymore. If you read that and it hit home, good. I'm not direscting it anyone in particular, but for the people who say they care about me, dont say things unless you mean them. And i always mean what i say. Have a nice day.

St. Patty's Day rocked this year! Gaby, Daniel, Nepha, Mario, Ju-Ju, 2 of marios friends and I went to Bennigans in Las Cruces. It was soooo awesome. My beer wasnt green, so I was a little pissed about that, but we had an awesome time. The only bad point was when Nepha turned into the drunk bitch that she's so capable of becoming. Mario said that when Nepha and I were fighting, that some chick was behind us and we kept pushing her arm and her beer kept on spilling all over her. hahahahaha stupid bitch, she should have just moved somewhere else. Gaby and I ended up in line to try to get inside Bennigans, when some guy cuts right in front of us and says "I'll give you 20 bucks if you let me go first." So we gladly let him cut in line, went inside, and had diner on him. More people should pay us for random things. (no sexual favors pervs) I'm happy, tonight is gonna rock also I hope. I dont know. ahh, i'm all jittery. bye.

And just when I start to think everyone on the face of this Earth is an idiot, I see why I am alive,a nd what I am doing with my life. I know I bitch about my job allllll the time, but it's the greatest job in the world. I am trully blessed to be able to do something i love and beleive in, and get paid for it. Friday night we had a spring break sleepover for our kids. I had a blast, didnt go to sleep at all, and realized how special all these kids are to me. Here is a picture that is going in a frame in my office. And that is what makes everything else seem petty and un-important. Happy St. Patricks day, and try not to drink too much green beer. I will try. hohohohohoho

I have this weird feeling in my tummy. I could almost say it's jealousy, but I wont. I dont even know what I feel. I've been in a weird mood all day, super confused aout alot of things and over analysing everything....thanks Gaby and Nepha! hahaha I just start to think about some things and wonder whar would happen if....or maybe if i did this diferently....just the usual I'm bored and lonely so I'm gonna think about about stupid things mood. I hae eveyrone right now.

Today is defenetly a weird day. I just found out that my boss resigned. I was just in her office and I noticed that she was being quite cold to me, more so than she has been in the past. Then one of my co-workers asked me if I had heard, and I thought that she was going to tell me about one of our kids passing away, but instead she told me that our boss had resigned. I am having really mixed feelings about this, first of all, because my boss has done above and beyond excellent things for our organization. But at the same time, I think she has reached a point where the 3 B's in the workplace (bitching, bickering and backstabbing) have taken their toll and you no longer feel happy waking up and going to work. She snapped with me about a month ago, and said some very mean, harsh, and really uncalled for things. She accused me of not wanting to help, and that shocked me, because why would I work somewhere that pays me $5.15/hr if I didn't belive in what I was doing, and I didn't have the desire in me to help out. After that day, I've been kind of avoiding her, because it really just made me lose alot of respect for her. And now, I find out that she has resigned and it really makes me wonder, how I will be able to work with someone new that will be coming in. It makes me wonder if I could even keep working here. I feel weird, I don't know. It's lunch time and I'm not even hungry. That means I really do feel weird!

Hi I'm bored, and my friends suck. THATS RIGHT BITCHES, YOU ALL SUCK! When I'm bored on a sturday evening, I expect you all to be ready to head out to a random bar. You've let me down. :( I'm bored, I'm whiney, I'm pissed, and I am sooo ready to choke someone. Pitty me. IM me, dolceprincess , thx. I met a guy on Mardi Gras. his name is Luke, he's hott, he's tall (6'7") and he thinks im a good kisser. he's smart. I am bored. Mardi gras was fun, I got alot of beads and i danced in the cage with nepha. We're so slutty sometimes, it's great! Steve found out about my rendez-vous with Coach Poss and Coach Swanson at Grahms Corner last saturday. He must think I'm a UTEP athletics groupie. how sad. :( I think I'm going to a gay bar tonight....uber sad. Pitty me. bye.

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Girls, have you ever seen a guy and thought he was the hottest thing ever? Then you decided to learn more about this guy? Well, there's this one guy at my school who's a Pi Kappa Alpha, I saw him once from afar and I thought he was incredibly gorgeous. One night I had a dream that I was walking to class and that he drove by and offered to give me a ride in his Escalade. Then we made out and I became a Pike sweetheart. Anyway, I woke up wondring why I had such a lame dream, but I called my friend Nepha and told her about it. About 3 weeks later, I went out to lunch with Nepha and Gaby and I was telling Gab's about the dream, when all of a sudden I see that guy pull up next to us at a stop sign. He smiles at us and I die! So we ended up following him from a distance and found out where he lives. That was like 3 weeks ago. Yesterday Nepha and I were going to lunch when we saw the Escalade pull out of the mall and we ended up following it back to that same house from before. But it wasnt the same guy driving it, this guy was ugly. So we went to have our lunch, did a little shopping, and then we went back to the house, but the escalade was gone, so we went to Wal-Mart, no Escalade. We went to the mall, no escalade. Then I said, he MUST be at the Pike house, and sure enough, there it was. We went back to Nepha and Gabys apt and waited for Gaby to get home from class. Then we were going to get Gaby some lunch and we droce by the Pike house again, but the escalade was gone. So we went BACK to the house, but it wasnt there either. By that point we gave up, so we're driving to Arbys to get Gaby's grub, and we pass Chilli's and Nepha says, THERE IT IS!!#$ So we pull into Chilli's and I say Gaby can eat there, but then some guys walk out, and THEY get into the escalade, but they were a totally dif set of guys, so we're like WTF@#?! Then I kind of wait for them to drive out, but they take a while and I didnt want to be obvious, so I left. As soon as I pull out, we see the original HOTT PiKA guy in the escalade going the oposite directon twoards the house, so we go BACK to the house, but he's already gone inside. We wanted to check the licence plate numbers so we wouldnt get the 2 trucks confused. So anyway, on Mardi Gras, I will casually bump into him. hahaha, ok, psycho I know. If anyone goes to NMSU and knows the hott Pike guy that drives the Escalade, plz let me know his name!

Well, here's the new layout I had talked about. I had been wanting to do something new and diferent because I was already sick of the the white one. This layout was inspired by one of my favorite songs at the moment. It's called Shiny Disco Balls and it's by 2 dj's that call themselves Who da Funk. It's an awesome song, the kind you would hear at a gay club or bar, I love that kind of music. It's hillarious to watch gay guys sing along to "What it feels like for a girl". Maybe it's just funny to me, whatever. I've been having this weird allergic reaction to something that made me break out in hives the past 3 days. I went to the doctor and he said that I was a faker and that I needed to go back to school! :( But he did give me 2 prescriptions and I took them last night and again this morning. So far so good, I am not itching, my hands arent swollen and I dont have gross looking hives all over my body. Wouldnt it be embarrasing if I were on a date and I broke out in hives? Jesus, I would want to stab myself. But enough about my disgusting deseases, let's talk about Joe Millionaire. hahahaha, let's not. I talked to Jeree' last night, she is in Delaware because she married a guy who is in the military and they stationed him way up there in the middle of no where east coast. hahahaha, it's 67 degrees in El Paso today, I'm wearing a hoochie mama shirt and your wearing your nanook of the north down parka and ear muffs! hehehehe j/k JJ, you know Lauren and I miss you in our drunken debouchery, it's just not the same. When Lauren gets drunk and starts falling asleep theres no one to keep me company! hahahaha Gag me! <3 There I wrote about you so quit your bitching! j/k I <3 you Fat Albert (who is no longer fat) had some good ideas for content on my site, I'm working on them and they will be up soon! I am in a computer lab at school and I am sitting at a computer that is right under the AC, so my hair is blowing all over the place. Hahaha, bet you aren't even dreaming of turning your AC on anytime soon Jeree'!!! hahahahaha I'd also like to send a shout out to my sistahs up here in Las Cruces, Gibber-Gabber and Nepha-Nina, to them, I'd like to send out a big YO! And I would also like to reminice about a lil' sumtin sumtin. Gaby turn around and let me see your sexy body go... uh-huh uh-huh! Oh Gibber-Gabber, you crack me up sometimes, in slow motion. I am at the IBM lab in Jacobs Hall guys, and I just saw a major hoodie hoo big white meaty Lisa specimen. He was hott, but of course I just sat here and drooled a little bit. Have you noticed that there are always alot of injun people at this lab? It's like all the international students take over and hog the computers to talk to their friends and family in the mother land. They all also speak in their language, not english. It makes me paranoid, like, I wonder if theyre talking shit about me. They probably are, because we talk shit about everyone and their baby mommas in spanish. If you see 3 girls at NMSU walking around and they say some thing like: Oyyyy, mira ese guey que va aya.... We're probably talking shit about you. Well, this was fun. I wonder if Steve is going to call me when he gets in from vegas? hahahaha

Valentines Day was so much fun! Lauren and I went to the Sutra Room and I dont know about Lauren, but I was pretty wasted. We drank vodka tonics all night my gawd they were so good. I think Malibu has been replaced as my drink of choice. I spent like 3.50 on all my drinks and on all of Lauren's drinks, which was awesome. For those of you NOT from El Paso, Sutra is a swanky bar on the west side that when it first opened, charged $6.00 for a drink and about $4.00 for a beer, which by El Paso club/bar standards, is alot. All the up-scale bars in town charge that much for a drink. Well on friday they had 25 cent drinks, they had male strippers (yuck) and they had an awesome DJ from Seattle playing some pretty awesome music. Some guys sent Lauren and I some drinks, we went to Geo Geske and we bump[ed into my friend Greg's friend, who's some psychoklogist, and he was like "oh you can't leave, you two are the hottest girls here!" Who doesnt like a little flattery? Then we went to the 02 and I bumpped into Vero Perez and she was there with her brother, who knew Lauren, so we hung out there for a liittle bit but then we were both drunk/tired so we went back to sutra so I could pick up my car. Of course I made an ass of myself before that. I called Steve. There should be a law that prohibits drunk people from using cell phones and calling people of the opposite sex. Have you noticed that the only time you have an urge to confess your un-dying love to an ex, or to tell that hott guy you met last week just how hot you really think he is, is when youre completely obliterated? I've noticed, and I of course called Steve and told him that I thought we should have some pre-Vegas sex. I cannot beleive I did that, i just can't. I hope he doesnt remember what a lame ass I was, because now we may never hook up. I called Ryan too, but mostly because we saw his friend at Sutra, and I wanted to wish him a happy valentines day. Of course I ended up telling him I missed him (why, I have no idea) and that I wanted to see him when he was back in town. God. Then last night (saturday) i decided to stay home and rest, but before that I went to Taco Cabana to get some din-din. I ate my food and soon my back and my head started itching like crazy, I take my shirt off, and I'm red all over. I go to the mirror to get a better look, and my whole fucking body is just red and I start to see hives on me a few minutes later. It was so gross and it itched like crazy. When I woke up, the hives were gone, thank goodness! Albert (al-pal, fat albert) called me this morn at the butt crack of dawn (9:00 am) and gave me some "hott soopercicial.net worthy" gossip. Turns out that he ran into this chick Ebony that we knew from freshman year of college,a nd she told himn that Stephanie had a kid and was now engaged to the babby's daddy. Whats up with all these people my age getting married/enagged/pregnant. Like, seriously, i dont plan on settleing down for a while, at leats till my late 20's or 30's. My advice to you all, please use a condom! Not just to prevent pregnancy, but you might want to prevent ghonorreah or herpes. ;) Just a little advice from me to you, hope you're all having a great weekend. I am working on a new layout *gasp*! Fo shizzle!

I AM A MORON. **note to self -When you meet a guy, find something else to talk about, anything, just dont mention your website. Turns out they might actually read it. Well, Today is Valentines Day, or as some of us would rather call it, Friday. Exactly a year ago today I was at my friend Gerard's Funeral. Wednesday they had his anniversary mass and a little reception in his honor. His mom asked me to speak about him a little bit, and they showed pictures of him on a screen. They had some of his paintings up on the wall, and we all just spent the night remembering G. Tonight, I think Lauren and I are going to the Sutra room for a while. They have a drink special from 7-9 so we are going to check it out. Maybe there will be some un-suspecting hot single guys there for Lauren and I to seduce. I had a history test yesterday that I had no idea was happening. I'm walking to my class and I see everyone outside reading their books and notes, so I try to be smooth and ask this guy "do you know if we need a scantron sheet for this?" And he says. "yeah, the big blue one." Oh shit. The big blue one, with a possible 180 something questions. So I run (literally) tto the bookstore and buy my scantron sheet, go to class, relaize that I have no #2 pencils on me, so I start to panick. The girl next to me offers a pencil, and I ask her if she studied. She says to me, oh helllll naw, Ihavent been to class in 2 1/2 weeks. Everyone around us laughs because she practically yelled it out for the whole auditorium to hear. It seemed that no one really studied for this test. Maybe he'll grade on a curve. It wasn't too hard, it was just about reconstruction and the old west and gold rush. I think i at least got a 60. :| Does anyone have any sex-filled plans for this valentines day? Thats the kind of V-Day I'd want, full of sex, forget the flowers and the candy. haha j/k I think Ju-Ju's HIT IT AND QUIT IT philosophy is getting set in my brain a little more each day. I love all you guys! Happy Valentines Day, and don't forget to visit
cam mafia!!!

Everyone have a nice day. Thanks. I feel sooooo just like *ugh* whatever. I have eaten 3 oranges so far today. I think I have all the vitamin C I will need for the next 8 years. I'm here at work, not really working. I am still thinking about all the stuff that makes my world go round and the drama that it brings. Slap me, like, for real thins time, make sure it stings. Ohhhh yaeah baby, harder, oooh thats it, c'mon HARDER!!@#@# Oops. I have been talking to a really awesome guy that I met in #lifetraks. :D He has been a super cool friend and has defenetly helped me get out of this post-being-dumped-slum that I'm in. He knows who he is, so no need to drop names. :P Thanks sooo much for being a friend I can talk to, and I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything thats going on. He also made this thingie for me: Isn't it the coolest? So link me and use it! I've only had one can of coke today so far. That, and the 3 oranges I've eaten. Being healthy is alot harder than I thought it would be. I am going to go work out for 7 hrs tonight! Ok, maybe its more like 2 hrs, but I have to be in some bufffff shape by the 16th. They just told me at a staff meeting this morning that we're running in some mini-marathon thing in honor of our kids. I thought it was like a 5 mile thing, so I cringed. They told me I HAD to go, I cringed more. Then they told me it was 13 miles, so I died. It will be worth it though, I'm going to be doing it for our kids. So yay me. Someone buy me some Hydroxycut so that I can be hott and fat free. :D

THIS IS GOING TO BE A LAME POST: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. So I've been thinking, valentines day should be outlawed. No. Seriously. I am turning into a gay emoional creature because I am starting to wonder why things always work out the way they do. I am STILL not over Marcus, so slap me. Or maybe I am over him, but im just not over the situation. It still blows my mind how someone can chnage soo fast. This was split second, like for real. It leaves me wondering what I did wrong, or where I didnt do the right thing. Anyway, I feel like after all that, I am kind of ready to settle down. I know, I'm like 21 yrs old, but ever since I started dating, I've never taken it vry seriously. I dont even know if I could handle a relationship, what am I talking about. Like right now, the best relationship I feel capable of having is a long distance one. I think that things fall apart when I start spending so much time with someone. It's crazy. I guess I've also gone wrong with the fact that I've let myself settle. 90% of guys that claim to like me, dont like me, they want me. I am so not even looking for something like that. I am a person with feelings and I wish that people would start looking past the physical and looking more into the soul and the heart. I am almost losing hope and wondering if I'm ever going to meet someone who can understand me, my passions, my dreams. my beliefs and my feelings. I think the whole thing going on with my family is whats tearing me apart and making my emotions go wild. I feel so helpless, and I hate not having control over things that affect my feelings. I feel like maybe I am more fragile than I care to acknowlege, and I dont really like that. I want to just be normal, but most of all i guess, what I really want is to be in love. Slap me now please. Hard. Thanks. I know i know, it's like anyone Ive ever loved or could potetntially love is so far away from me now that it's almost impossible for it to even work. Enough. Let's focus on other thins, such as how much valentines day is going to suck this year. I usually get valentines from my mom, but being that we are not on speakign terms, I dont even want anything from her. So that leaves me as a complete lamer on V-Day too. Guys, send me flowers @ work. :( thanks Thats all.

I WANT TO GRADUATE ALREADY!!! School blows. I need a sponsor that will suport me for the rest of my life. Anyone wanna help? :(

Hi....I didnt forget about my site. I have started to write something a few times, but then I get emotional and distraught so I stop or I close this window. I am still not over the whole Marcus thing. It defenetly hit me harder than I expected it to. It's like, he wasnt even my boyfriend, but we were in a relationship that was so much like it. We spent all our free time together and we were like peanut butter and jelly. Excuse the cheesy metaphor. Then when he just stopped talking to me all of a sudden, I was like WTF. So I would call him, he wouldnt answer, I'd leave a voicemail, he wouldnt call back. It was just completely heartbreaking. Now I know why they call it a broken heart, the feeling inside is so fuckin horrible that it must be what it feels like to have your heart breaking. See?! I'm so not over his ass yet. It's getting easier for me to not think of him, and when I do think of him, I don't start crying all the time. I've even tried to meet new guys and date a little, but I can't even enjoy a date or feel completely normal talking to a guy because I still have him in the back of my mind. I am back at New Mexico State University! Wooo! It feels so good to be back and be in a familiar enviornment with people I know and with my friends. I am soooo going through the I just wanna graduate phase right now and I am hauling ass to try to get a 4.0 this semester and graduate and all that other good stuff. My family life has been full of turmoil too. My parents announced that after 36 years of being married, they were going to split up. I was in so much shock and so angry at them. Especially at my mom because she moved out of the house. So not only had Marcus walked out of my life, but my parents were pretty much doing their own thing. I felt so alone. Sooooo sooo sooo alone. I was scared of what I was going to do. I have never had to take care of myself or provide for myself. My parents had always given me everything, and when I found out, I was sooo angry that I thought that I would be able to move out and be on my own and not have to worry about them because I could make it on my own. hahaha yeah right. Reality is that I am not ready to do this yet because I havent even graduated from college yet. And there is no way that I am going to live in some shitty ass place and eat ramen noodles for breakfast lunch and dinner. No way jose. Its like a million things were running through my mind and i was scared that I wouldnt be able to figure my shit out and that I would be alone. I am so scared of being alone, not in a sense that I need to have a boyfriend by my side in order for me to feel whole. But when I have that and I lose it, its the worst feeling in the world. I do perfectly well being single and not feeling alone. I have some of the most awesome friends in the world and I love them to death because they have been here for me so many times and they always make me feel like I am not alone. So basicly, thats what has been going on with me. I am just waiting for things to get better, because I doubt that things can get any worse. Theres a saying in spanish that says "El Se�or aprieta pero no ahorca", which kind of means that God will squeeze but he wont choke. Its something good to remember in times like this.

I am alergic to cleaning. No, seriously I am! Today we all dressed down and grungy to comde to work because we were going to clean this place up. So far, I have gone through a box of kleenex because my allergies just started out of no where! I am sooooo allergic to house work. Last night Margaret, Nepha, Lauren and her friends and I went to the Stampede. It sucked so much. New Years was a bust too. I didnt get to kiss anyone at midnight and this fat dyke tried to hit on me and my kick ass outfit and super perfect hair for that night were ruined bvy the champagne that they sprayed all over the fuckin place. :( My new years resolutions? 1. six pack abs and buns of steel 2. date guys that are worthwhile 3. get on the deans list I know I always say I'm going to get on the deans list, but this time i'm going to do it~!!!! hahahahaha yeah right