I am one pissed off mofo OMG.....ok, theres something you all should know about me. A few things actually. 1. I refuse to wear these stupid glasses that make me look like a total moron and get the lasik surgery that my freak ass mother is forceing me to get. 2. If you say that you will be returning my phone call at a certain time.....do it, or else don't say anything at all. 3. I refuse to be second best to anything or anyone, so don't humor me and don't try to do me any favors. GRRR. And with that I will let the world know that Lisa isnt someone you want to make sad because she's a cry baby, and she doenst like to cry. :( So please, send your pity and consolation my way, God knows I need it.

Take this quiz.....and post your results on the comments...haha...I am such a NERD! 75% addicted to Instant Messenger. How about you?

Vamonos a pistear pero ya porfavor...hey hey hey hey! For those of you who don't know spanish, that top part just said "lets go out drinking like now please." I know...it loses something in the translation, but Fat Albert made that song up and now we sing it all the time when we're at a bar or just hanging out. Yesterday was a super busy day. I had a job interview at my hair salon towork as their receptionist. That would be an awesome job since I already know all the wierdo's that work there and all I'd have to do is anwer the phone, set up appointments, and take drinks to the customers. C'mon, who doesnt like sipping on some wine while you get a makeover? Interview was at 10:00 am, got there at 9:45. The flammer who was going to interview me didnt get there till 12 fuckin 30 am! So I better be getting that job, or some sort of consolation prize for waiting on his ass. :/ What happened with the 2 guys from Chicago you ask? Did I continue hanging out with them? Well, yesterday Chris (the non-married one) picked me up and we went over to the apartment while Matt was off buying his wife a new car. Chris is soooo funny, we just kept cracking up all night. Then we went down to Chicos Tacos and had some dinner. If you are ever in El Paso, make sure you come to Chico's Tacos! Then we went back to the apt, and got into the hot tub for a while. I guess after having spent the day with Chris, I kept on seeing that maybe he was cuter than Matt, or maybe the fact that he wasnt married made him seem cuter. Either way, I think we're going to go to Hemingway's and get our drink on tonight. I'll try to get them to go to the Stampede, which is a country club,but theres tons of people there on Thursday, and hey play more hip-hop than country on Thursday nights. Yeh-yay! Have you guys heard the new R. Kelly and Jay-Z cd? R Kelly is a gooooooooood rapper. Smooth. Yeah.

If it seems too good to be true...it probably is. Thats right....as you all may recall from the previous post, I met what seemed to be the perfect guy. Perfect looks, beyond awesome personality, killer smile, oh wait that goes under looks. He was "financially stable" to put it in a mucho-less "gold-digger" fashion, major pimp ride (2002 Navigator) just perfect....or so I thought! What's the catch to this guy? Any guesses? No? Well, turns out he's MARRIED!!!! Fuckin' A, man! I knew this guy was too good to be true. But guess who ended up making out with him either way? I'll give y'all a hint: Stars with an "L" and it ends with a "isa". His marriage is allegedly "over" and he's in the process of getting a divorce, but his wife lives at home. ahem...yeah. Had to carefull not to wear her shoes out by mistake instead of mine. How skanky am I? Am I just a home-wrecker in disguise? It's not really my fault, he led me on, and it wasnt untill his brother told me he was married....but i made out with im anyway. Maybe he was looking for a thrill with a 20 year old...haha or maybe i was looking for one with a 27 year old...hmmmmm. ok ok...so now if you've lost all respect for me I can't say I blame you. I got my fake ID today!!!! yay!!! It's a Mexican drivers licence from my hometown state of Chihuahua (like the dog)! Soooo...I'll be going out with Matt and Chris tonight to celebrate. They leave on Sunday, so I might as well just chill with these guys because despite the fact that one of them is a scum-twat, they're still some fun homies to kick it with. And they offered to fly me up to Chi-Town to visit them in May.....shweet! You guys....you need to click here and go to this website because it is OFFthe HIZZY fo' SHIZZY! And while you're gettin' yo click on, go to My Rome-ey Homies site cuz he's a mad ass mofo and he's gonna make FLASH his BITCH!

Hoodie Hoooooooo!!! OH MY GAWD!!!! I met the hottest guy ever, I mean, EVER! But let me tell you the story. I was babysitting and this little girl was driving me up the wall, when I had the idea to take her to the pool. (She lives in an apartment complex) So she suited up and we walked down there, no one was really there, just 2 guys sun bathing at the other end. I saw them, and I kind of noticed them looking over so I started smiling like an asshole, and I guess it worked because they came over to the hot tub where this kid was splashing in and started up a convo with me. So they ask me where Ilive and I told them what streets I lived by, and they were like, oh well we're new in town, so we're not that familiar. I knew that 2 guys this hot would not be from El Paso, just no way in hell....So after about 2 hrs or so, we all jett off, and just as we were walking, this guy Matt tells me, make sure you bring your bathing suit tomorrow, 2-piece *he winks* *i melt* ahem....so I smile like an asshole again and float back to this kids apt. Next day rolls around and I'm hauling ass trying to her us to the pool, and sure enough the guys were there. They were already out there tanning, and so I just pulled up 2 lounge chairs next to them and sat there. Of course they noticed I wasnt in a bikini, and Matt asked me when I was going to change. They decided to make a little game out of it and started throwing quarters into the pool for the kid to dive in and find. When all the quarters came out, thats when I'd strip down to my bathing suit. So I started paniking, and I was like, oh nooo, what if he thinks i look fat...the usual things that run through a girls mind before she gets in a bikini. I guess he read my mind, because he leaned over and said "Lisa, if it makes you feel any better, Chris and I already thinkn your body is off the hook. *he winks again*" *I turn into mush* We ended uip in the hot tub for about 5 hrs that day, just sitting in there, talking, having some tecates (mine was in a Sonic cup, can't have the baby sitter drinking) Well this little girl that I'm sitting for decided to blurt out to them both that I thought they were hotties...aughh. And then she starts asking them if they "like me", and I'm just looking at her like I want to strangle her! So some other kids show up and they all jump into the pool and we stayed in the hot tub, and that my friends, is where things got interesting. *sigh* ahh ok...well They ended up asking me out that day to go out with them that night and I said yes, but when 9:30 rolled around I was too pooped to go anywhere. Whos a dumbass? I am! I am! They called me again last night, and I wasnt home. :( I went to the Briar Patch with fat albert and Ju-ju at about 5 pm and I got trashed and watched some random gay guy dance like Madonna. I love going to gay bars and hanging out with gay guys....they crack me up. Then we went to some parties on the east side of town...yuck. I dont know why everybody says that rich, snobby people live on the west side. I think the east side is just...ghetto. (sorry) And these parties proved it. Yuck..... Major spanks to Carlo for being such a badass and giving me a plug. :)

Ahhhh....i love boys boys boys boys... So i'm online....on aim...and see my little buddy window flash...and then I get an IM...who was it you may ask? Mike....Albuquerque Mike!!!!! I almost had a heart attack! For those of you who don't know, Mike is the last guy I was really serious with. We were together for like a week, but it was the most intense week ever. It was one of those things when you meet someone and you just click in ways that you never thougt were possible. I was with him almost every hour of the day, and I even met his family....it was insane. This guy was telling me that he was practically in love with me on day 3, so i dont think it gets more intense than that. It was probably as close to love at first sight as i'll ever be. But then some stuff happened and he had to move to Albuquerque, so we just kind of talked on the phone after that, and then it dwindled down. But now, after talking to him, I feel happy, even though I know that it wouldnt work out between us, it still feels good to know that theres someone out there who thinks Im gorgeous. :) I was uspposed to go see President Bush today, but I didnt wake up on time. hahahaha oh well. And the newspaper guy at the corner gave me a free newspaper! How nice of him was that? I'm going to drive with my windows down more often and see what other free shit i can score! Then I can go on the Jenny Jones show and say that I play men and I get free stuff, like free super size at fast food places, and free newspapers at the corner! You better belive it baby! Dont hate...congratulate!

You guys...he's my soulmate....no seriously..... *sigh* Yep, thats right, I haven't posted in a while and now i am going to talk about my "soulmate" and how great he is! j/k j/k...but he is the dreamiest...dont ask me why. This isnt your fairy tale romance though...that would be waaaaaay too easy to fit into my whack ass life. I dont think he even has an idea of what I feel for him or how much I like him. Isn't that the worst? When just thinking about someone is enough to make you smile like an idiot, but you don't have the balls (ovaries) to tell them they drive you wild! Ahhh, maybe if we lived in the same time zone it would be easier. :I Anywho, I went to the eye doctor today to get a 2nd opinion for the Lasik surgery that I do NOT want, but my mother insists I get. Once again they said the same thing, "Well Hilde, you are super blind and nearsighted and not even the lazer from Austin Powers can zap some 20-20 vision into your eye." Yeah...hello mother! I already knew they were going to say that. :( But she's also sending me to get a 3rd opinion, that will be happening next week, so wish me luck as I get mocked again my refractive eye surgeons for thinking theres hope for my blind ass. I told my mom I was perfectly happy with my contacts and I specifically said that I didnt want any lasik thankyouverymuch! But she always starts yeling at me, and my mom yells loud, shes an angry Mexican woman. "Pero a ti todo te vale! No te interesa nada mas que salir con tus amiguitos Y dormir! Cuida a tus ojos, porque dios sabe que no voy a estar aqui para cuidarte toda la vida, mejor que te operes ya...blah blah blah" For you non-spanish speakers out there, she just said shut up, I'm your mother, now get your ass to that doctor. I dont see why she would want to spend over 3 g's on getting me some procedure dont even want, but she did not sponsor me to go to Miami or Puerto Pe�asco with everyone else, or why she wont just give me the money instead. Now you see why I am so.....lame. It's in the genes. And if that wasnt bad enough...i had to wear my geek ass glasses for a long time! They promote facial deformity...wanna see?

I am lame.

With friends like those.... Yes, I am back. Sorry for the lack of posting, but nothing fun has happened to me ina while, so I chose not to bore you with my boring life. But ohhh...I got lots to say now! First of all, I would like to inform the world that my "best friend" will be going to Miami on Saturday for a week. Some other people I could really give a shit about are going to and Vianey. Now...they're all 21, except Cesar and Vianey, but Cesar has a fake ID, Vianey doesn't. So I point this out to his ass....and he says to me "oh I know...but were getting her an ID." And i asked him from who. He says...and this is the part where I get pissed off....."My dad is getting her one." Enter femenine rage. You see, Cesars dad works for the Mexican Government, which we all know is pretty much corrupt. Anywho, whe we were all in high school, his dad got him and some other guys mexican drivers licences, but with a dif. birth date, heretofor, making them "of age" and able to go out. I never got one bevcause they never really carded girls, so I could usually get in with no problem. Now everyone is 21...except me of course, because I'm the lamest shit on earth. So I asked him...like back in October...to get his dad to hook me up with an ID, and he said "oh. he cant do that anymore because blah blah blah". So I was like...ok...I'll just wait and do it the legal way. And then yesterday I hear him say that mudda fuckin bull shit!?!??!?! ohhhh no. But then he said he had one for me too, so I didnt hate him THAT much. Just a little ;) . Pinche Guey cara de nalga! Ahh...so we keep on talking, and he mentions that he now has over 10,000 mp3's in his hard drive. WHY ON EARTH WOULD ANYONE NEED 10,000 MP3'S?!?! Aaaaaand...to top it off.....he thinks I'm some desperate chick and he's telling me about how I want this guy Jonathan and how he'll help me trick him into my seductive web of love! Ha! Think again! On a pissier note, Fat Albert keeps calling me at 8:30 am every morning! And the phone always rings, and I always pick up...and it's always him, screaming into my semi-lucid ear. "Whats up girl! Whatchu doin'?" Fat Albert, I'm not going to school thi semester, nor do I have a job, it's 8:30 in the morning.....what the HELL do you THINK I'm doing! The only reason he calls my ass is because he calls Gaby first and she hangs up on him. Gaby I know you're reading this....TALK TO FAT ALBERT or I will put little Gaby in the microwave! You have class at 7:30 am anyways! Just talk to him! And as the perfect final touch....THIS GUY Is boycotting me because I hate him. ha! (I don't really hate him....yet)

Let's hope I don't blow it again this time...... Blow what? I have another job interview today, this one is working for Dillard's. I am not hung over today, so that must be a good thing! Now I just need to work my charm and try to score me a job in retail, yuck. I think it might be easier if I had a guy interview me, but it's going to be some chick. I'll just try to impress her with the fact that I'm a "Clothing Textiles and Fashion Merchandising" major. That usually works. I don't really have anything fun to say today, or for the past week. Amanda is coming into town tonight, so we'll probably go out and have ourselves a little blast. And Vince said that we'd go out and see 40 days and 40 nights, but we all know that dates with Vince dont ever really happen....eh, what can you do?

....and then there was the hang over from hell. Oh yeah, you better belive it. I don't know how I got so sick on thursday night, but I did. I didn't even drink that much! I had about 3 or 4 jell-o shots, and about 3 or 4 beers. Then next thing I know, I'm dancing like I'm a Mexican Britney Spears and and singing like an idiot to every single song that is being played! Not to mention I started blurting out to everyone how I met Creed when My Sacrifice was played. And then.....oh God, I ws hungry and I wanted some of Ju-Ju's birthday cake, well Julian lets me knoe that he doesnt have ANY utensils at his freakin apartment and so we start digging in with our freaking bear hands. That was some funny shit, I'm just taking big ass globs of cake and shoving as much as I can in my mouth, then just for fun, I start smearing it on Julians face. It was so funny. God, then we all end up upstairs in Julians room, and theres like, 7 of us laying on his bed. Well, then Davids brother and I start talking and he's telling me about growing fucking tomatoes and how a tomato goes by 30 hands before I end up with it at home. ASnd he starts saying that being a mudda fuckin farmer is the most romatic job ever. Just watching a tomato grow from day one and blossom into something people eat. This guy needs some serious help, that or he watches some whack ass porn! Well Fat Albert told me not to get too drunk so I could drive back from NMSU to my house, and then he'd be sober enough to drive to his house. Right, well I was trashed and I got home and passed out. It wasnt long before I started getting that "im gonna barf" feeling, and I did NOT want to go to the bathroom and start blowing my chunks out, because last time I did that, my mom woke up and caught me in some mega post drunk ass action.....soooooooooooooo I quietley and disgustingly threw up in my room. :( I know I know, that was sick of me, but hey, I didnt get caught! Well to make matters worse, I had a job interview the next morning at 9:00 am. I woke up at 7:30, got into the shower, threw up whatever bile I had left in me, and passed out in the shower. So I go back to bed for a little while, and i wake up at 8:55, so I call this office and make up some lame excuse and ask if I could re-schedule. She said she'd check out HER schedule and call me back, which she hasnt done yet. Poop...alot. But I threw up in my own room! Does that make me ghetto now? :( By the way.....I didnt have any e-mail today...humor me and e-mail me...mmkay!

Let them have beer.... So I'm here at my alma matter, New Mexico State, and we're getting primpped and ready to go over to Ju-Ju's place. I just heard that some guys from my past will be there, such as Dario, aka "El Feo", he's the kicker for NMSU and possibly Victor, some gross guy that irks me big time. I just plan on getting trashed and meeting some new guys and being my skanky self. I'll let you know how it turned out tomorrow!

It's party time baby Thats right...do not adjust your monitors. Tonight Ju-Ju (aka Julian the french male prostitute) will be having a huge ass party at his place for his 21st b-day. I was promissed some really hot ass Mech. Engeniering majors would be there for my boning pleasure. Shweet! I just talked to Fat Albert and he said that he would be my mode of transport over to Las Cruces, so now I just got to find the little cups for the Jell-o shots and steal some jell-o from my mom's pantry! wooooo! I'm going to get to see everyoe I havent seen in a while and possibly hook up with some hawt little fred durst look-alike. Or maybe not, but either way, I know we will be totally shit faced and obnoxious, which can be fun. And I bet Ju-Ju is going to bust out his doobie, but thats for the crowd that digs it. Wow, well I'm about to get some pizza action going on here. I'll post from Gaby and Nepha's place later on tonight!

Dr. Lisa...paging Dr. Lisa. Looks like we've got our first letter in dealing with issues of the heart. It reads: Dr. Lisa, I'm a heterosexual male in my early 20s. I'm usually pretty shy but can handle a tough situation (or I try my best to). At work there is this cute Puerto Rican chick. We started at about the same time and as soon as I saw her, she was very appealing to me. So far it's been like four weeks and even though she seems kinda interested/attracted, she's turned me down twice for a date/informal get-together. She either doesn't like me in that sense or her English is so bad she doesn't even know when she's being pursued. Let me know how I can find out these things and what I can do to swing her my way. sincerely, --trying to obtain Dear Trying: It sounds like their may be a language barrier there. I'm not sure if you're familiar with spanish, but lucky for you, it was my first language and I happen to know some sweet nothings you could whisper in her ear that will surley get you to obtain whatever it is you want. *wink wink* Before you go whispering anything though, try baking some cookies at home and taking them into work to share with her. Thats gonna let her know you want to tap her ass, but you're a sweet guy too. Then when she says "gracias" for the cookies, say one of the following: 1. Mamita, quisiera ser sardina para oler como tu vagina. -translation- Hey baby, I'd like to be a sardine so I could smell like your cooch! 2. Ask her if she wants to play "hide the salami in the pink taco" and since she doesnt really speak english, I'm sure she'll say yes. Sure it's a little vulgar, but it gets the message across loud and clear. 3. Compliment her shoes or her earings, or tell her you dig her perfume. She'll see that you notice little things and that you're digging her. This, along with the cookies, this is the more civilized way to approach your boriqua mami chula. Which of these courses of action you decide to take is up to you, but good luck! Dr. Lisa and the qualified staff members are ready to help others in need of advice. Fell free to contact us and let US help YOU.

Nice shot.....asshole "the battle of I-10" is what the media calls it. New Mexico State University -vs- University of Texas at El Paso, those are always good games. The 2 area universities duked it out at the Don Haskins center last night, and Cesar and I went down to see some, what was promised to be, quality basketball. I love going to basketball games, especially if I have a few beers next to me because it makes yelling out at the court so much easier. I didnt have any beers this time, but it was still a good game. I made the very sad mistake of sitting on the UTEP side with my friend, but I didn't think it would be a big deal. Well to make a long story short: 1. DO NOT sit on the opposing teams side and cheer for your team, especially if you're sitting behing huge scary looking guys wearing FUBU jerzees and waving white towels, because you'll get bitched out. Majorly. :( 2. Overtime nearly gave me a heart attack, but I couldnt cheer anymore because I didnt want to get bitch slapped. 3. NMSU lost in overtime. :( In other news....I've decided to add some 'interaction' to this website. I will be resolving the heartache and romance issues of people who come to this website. I know what you're thinking....you're thinking "how is this chick going to give out advice? She hasn't had a date in 2 years!" But I figure it's an experimental blind leading the blind type of deal, and I could learn a thing or 2 while I'm at it. I will be consulting with a panel of experts, they don't know about it yet, but they will once they read this. The panel will consist of the following: 1. The skanky girl who can't be commited to anyone 2. The romantic girl who only has long term relationships 3. The bitchey girl who has the on again off again relationship This is a well rounded group and I'll run the questions by both of these experts before I post the answers. They can be confidential and all that stuff, and come on...you know you want to. ;) So use that form over there ----> and submit your questions kids, you know you want to.

...and YES I was BORED..... Here's what I do when I'm bored...... I am ERNIE.
Everyone loves to hang out with me.


Which Sesame Street Character Are You? and this..... Who's a loser? I am! I am! Thats ok tho.....I am not a total loser. I just finished baking some cupcakes for the kids in the hospital. They make the whole office smell goooooooood! There's 16 kids of ours in the hospital right now...and I made 24 cup cakes...and 2+2=4....augh...It's just plain torture! I picke the worst time to go on a diet! :( And im super sore. I've been going back the gym and hurting myself on the eliptical stepper and those ab monster torture devices. Not to mention I did a little more than I should've on that thigh master weight thing. I just kept on doing it because there were some hot guys working out near me and it looked very "inviting" ifyaknowwhatimean. hehe...now I feel like i just had sex for 3 hours with a fat guy. :( Not that I would know because I'm a virgin. Me and Britney Spears have so much in common! heh

Well....I think I'm nearly recouperated and semi-sane now. I'm not crying every 10 minutes or wondering why some people die sooner than others...heck, I even stopped hating my doctor for not being able to cure everyones cancer. But thats another story and who needs to be depressed? My friends and I went out to the 02, because the crush at the door of Sutras was idiotic. I swear that bouncer thought he was working at some club on South Beach or the Sunset Strip. I felt like I was in some whack scene from A Night at the Roxburry. I actually started yelling out "Emilioooooooooooooooooooooooo" untill I realized that the bouncer was barking at me to get off the sidewalk. So Ceasar calles his brother who is already inside the bar and he says that he can't get all 10 of us inside. And I dont even have an ID or anything, so we go down to the 02. Get in, no problem, didn't even have to flash the bouncer...woo. Tons of hoodie hoo's allover the place and it was a pretty cool crowd. So I ordered my 5 dollar 6 oz serving of coke and malibu and head down to the table with the gang. I notice guys looking over, but since I'm sitting there at a table with abunch of guys, they dont really come up to me or my friend. So I get the cleaver plan to go to the restroom and check out some guys while i'm at it. Some pretty decent looking guy named Tony introduced himself to me and Natalia and I scored some martinis from these other 2 obnoxious guys. The convesation went something like this: guy#1: I'm the type of guy in PG 13 movies...he's the rated R kinda guy." me: "wow...you just gave yourself away as a total sleezeball....you shouldn't have lied..I bet you're more the kinky porn kid of guy." guy #2: "by the way i'mnot hitting on you (me) my gf works here" me: "whew...thank god." guy #1: "so what high school did you all graduate from?" natalia: "a private one...you guys wouldn't know" guy#1: "sure we will...if it's in el paso." me: "ok...Father Yermo." guy#1: "oh...never heard of it. Did you guys have to wear uniforms?" me and Natalia: "yeah." *wierd looks* guy#2: "now the million dollar question...do you still HAVE those uniforms?" me and Natalia: *more wierd looks* They were pretty funny...for being "gueros and gringos" and they kept trying to talk to us in spanish. Next friday we're having a girls night out and heading to the 02 again. It should be interesting. But now I reall don't have anything to wear...poop. :(

If this doesn't look like....nothing does!

I was just surfing around and I found this at this website. You guys...Davezilla is hillarious. Head that way...puh-lease, you'll be glad you did. Your Porn Star Name is Pierre Simon Your Blues Singer Name is hyper kennedy Your Punk Rock Band is called the peculiar phones Your name as an extra in "Star Wars" is joogiebish the blender blender

Back to normal...oh wait.....I was never normal to begin with. It's been a really hectic week and I've been on a roller coaster of emotions. But after crying more than I ever thought was humanly possible, I am ready to get my life back in working dysfunctional order. Cesar and I and a bunch of other people I could really care less about are all going to go have lunch later on. Then tomorrow night I think they all want to go this new bar called "Sutra" thats by mi casa. The guy that owns La Serata owns this new place too, so I'm guessing it's going to be just as posh, dress in Gucci and you still don't impress, 10 dollars a drink kinda place. I'm also guessing that you need to be of age to go to this joint, but I got friends in low places, meaning, yes....my friends know the owner and the bouncer so that gaurantee's me a ticket inside after some genuine humiliation. Normaly I don't go out to these places because I never have anything to wear. I know i know....i can hear you guys going "ohmygod SHUT UP...just wear that blah blah blah blah..." But this time I do have something to wear. I got this really cool Bergdorff Goodman tube top at Neime's when I was in Michigan. What color is it you may ask? duh people duh....it's black, surprise surprise. That brings the total of my black shirt collection to 34! I don't think I can get away with wearing jeans, but I'll try. I'm thinking I want to cut off the waista on my D&G jeans so I can actually wear them now. I dont feel comfortable wearing jeans now if people can't see my butt crack when I sit down. I <3 way low jeans! I dunno, I guess I just need to go into fresa mode and laugh at the people who are naquiz. You know the drill.