Happy Birthday to me!!! Yesterday was really fun. The gang and I went to Tuna's and had a blast drinking there. Ju-Ju took some pictures so i'll just post those. And that was the night in a nutshell. Some friends and i, going from sober and cute, to drunk and moronic. I love you guys! <3 :P

I just broke a peice of my wisom tooth off. :( Send get well soon cards ASAP.

wow, isnt it funny how some things work out? It seems that when you've lost faith in everyone and everyting, and youv been lied to so many times you dont even know whats real and what isnt. i am 4 days away from turning 22, and in the past few months ive learned so much about me; who i am, what i want to be and what i want and need from other people. I need the following: -friendship -trust -kindness -truth -laughs -sincerity -hugs I dont need: -lies -fakeness -rudeness -fair weathered friendship -lies -lies -lies So basically, I've been screwed over, big fuckin deal, who hasnt. Someone once told me you always rach a point when you just look at someone and think, that its the one last time yu can let them ge away with something. I know people have felt that way about me. Despite everything, it all works out in the end. I know who my friends are, I know who the people who genuinely care about me are. I dont know where I'd be without my friends. You guys mean th world to me. And i better see ALL OF YOU (that means you too lencho) at Tunas on thursday! THE PLAN -go to Aceitunas at about 7 pm -get a table and start drinking -sing happy birthday and Las Ma�anitas -have all of you buy me a shot -puke in the pond -get that certain someone fired -keep on partying! Sounds like a plan? Toot Toot! Its going to be great! Gaby, plz take a nap or make arrangements to miss class on friday. All you other summer schoolers, same goes for you. Aaron, i know youre too young and can't go, I told you you should've stolen Billy's ID, you guys are like twins! :X I'm happier than I've been in a long time! <3

I'm so dissapointed. You piss me off. :(

Ooops, I'm a moron. It should work now, so go take it. No new updates or boobs till you do! Take my Quiz Jerks!

Last night was so much fun. It was a total Girls Nigh Out! Gaby, (and Daniel) Nepha, Karla, Karla, Ariana, Natalia, Brenda, Ju-Ju and I went to Aceituna's! We got there and it was super packed full of people, like you could barely even walk around, but we had a table there so it was gravy. I saw so many people there that I knew who I hadnt seen in along time. I saw Brian Givens and I think after that little indecent proposal he made me at Joe Wardy's victory party, he lost all his cuteness. I talked to him for a while though because Brenda wanted to hook up with his roomate. I saw this guy, Peque. Him and I made out a few times when I was a freshman in college and he's one of Gaby's bf's best friends. Well, like a few weeks after Peque and I were making out, Gaby and I were at the country club and we were in the bathroom and this girl walks in. They talk and whatever, then I ask her who she is and she tells me she's Peques gf's. And so I said, woah, the same peque I've been making out with? And Gaby and I are like, what a dog, he totally cheated on his gf. :( Well we went outside and Peque was waiting for his gf there, it was akward but whatever, we were pretty buzzed. So last night him and I talked for a while. He asked me where we were going afterwards and I told him I had to take Nepha and Ju-Ju to their car, and he was like, well come to stampede with me. hello! Anyway, I didnt end iup going because he's a jerk that cheats on his gf's. :( But i like him. Oh well, whatever.my b-0day is 2 weeks away. I know we're going to Tuna's that night fo' sho'! This probably made no sense to anyone who doesnt know me. I have some cool ideas i "borrowed" from Ryan that I'm gonna use for my new layout. toot toot. Dawsons Creek finale = saddest thing ever I cried. Damn you Gaby!

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The shit has hit the fan yet again everyone. I'm such a drama queen, so disregard anything I may say. I'm still kind of bummed out about certain things (those of you close to me know why) and I'm starting to realize that men suck, and that I suck even harder for being so damn co-dependent. I guess I have Ryan to thank for me realizing that I'm such a co-dependent infantile little bitch. I kind of lose it when all atention isnt focused on me 200%. But hey, at least I can admit that. Regardless, I'm feeling better now and I'll probaby forget about it by next week. My birthday is coming up. Its 17 days away. I'll be 22, but I'm actually happy about it now, because, well I dont know why, I just am. I've had alot of those "closure" moments recently, and I realized that no matter how much I miss highschool and the way my life was back then, I have to look ahead and focus on my future, not lament the past. Yeah, so anyway Meg Ju-Ju and I went to Natalies graduation party, which we kind of had trouble finding since it was in the Northeast and we don't ever go there. Northeast El Paso is kind of scary, so we had to stop at a gas station twice and look on maps to find the place. After that I called CornFed and him an Wes and Tony were going to go to the Bryar Patch so we all met up with them there. It wasnt too action packed, but it was fun. I <3 gay bars, they have the best juke boxes. Where else can you play anyMadonna song ever released or hear a bunch of guys singing all the words to "It's Raining Men"??!?! I love it. *sigh* I still feel weird, fhdkjghjhgsjxfhgkjd. Ryan tried to trick me and have some funny aim convo with me about gonorreah, but I was MUCH too smart for him. The actual convo was great, but he had to edit it so he would look triumphant for his readers. Let the truth be known, I knew it was him all along! hahahaha! sucka! :P Work sucks, I have nothing to do. I just sit and wait for some of the kids to stop by so we can all shoot some pool. Susy blows. thx

HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD SCHOOL IS OVER AND SUMMER IS HERE! Finals are over and done with, and now, it is time to party my friends. Last summer was an exceptional amount of fun, and I'm sure that this summer will be even better, if at all possible. Last night I called Corn-Fed and he was with Wes at the gas station, and they told me they were going to pick me up, so be ready in 15. Well I get ready and I have no intention of driving, but Corn-Fed tells me he just came to drop Wesley off and that he was out of there. So I ended up driving me and Wes to Ju-Ju's house and then we went to King's X. Meg came over to King's X too and we were all just out on the patio talking and catching up with Wes since he just disapears months at a time. He just needs to get over Nikki and move on. That girl looks like a boy and she dresses like crap. Anyway... Meg isnt sure where she wants to go to Law School anymore. She was thinking she would just go to UT Austin since they gave her a full ride, but she really wanted to go to U. of Chicago, but I dont think she liked it too much when she visited last month. Then Ju-Ju wants her to go to Berkly so he can go visit her and get queer in San Fran. I want meg to go to NYU, so I can visit her there. All the people she works with right now at the judges office are telling her to go to NYU too. I think she should just pick the lawschool with the cutest boys. hahaha Ok i dont, but I think NYU is great! And she said if she did go to NYU her and I could go to Buffalo and look for Luke. (i hope hes not reading this!) I'm just so happy for Meg, shes done with all this under-grad bullshit and now she's going to leave us and go to law school. I told her shed have to support me when she graduated. Since she'll be entirely too busy to do anything but work, I'll be shopping for her drab boring suits and making her the hottest lawyer around! So anyway, maybe it turns out that some guysdo care about how many chicks they sleep with. I think anyone can get laid, but the trick is not having sex just for the pure carnal pleasure of it all. I know i've turned down one nighters before, just because I cant really see the point of sleeping with someone when theres no emotions involved. yeah, ok. I've been watching waaaaaay too much dawsons creek lately. Why can't I date a guy like Pacey instead of the usual scumbag assholes that I date? Any guys watch dawsons creek that arent gay? If so, please date me. thx.

Anxiety sucks. Don't you hate that uneasy feeling you get and you just cant shake it off, you cant relax for a little tiny bit? I've had it for a while now. Arial has it too. Maybe it's because we both live in the same city and the water is making us go psycho. I told him to dig a tunel from his house to mine to kill the anxiety. hehehehe :/ Paulo isn't going to Vegas anymore, which makes me glad my friends and I arent going to Vegas anymore either cause then we'd have Paulo's overly un-sensetive friends hitting on us! :P j/k P-Dawg Susy sounds like a 7 yr old on speed on the phone! Skeletor! etc We had a fun time talking on the phone making fun of a certain someone who shall remain nameless (Skeletor) hahahaha Do you ever feel like something is missing in your life, and just when you think you found it, you realize that nothing is quite what it seems to be? I live in such a fantasy world i swear. At tim like this I just try to stay positive and I remember how hard it was for me do deal with having cancer and all the things I overcame and all the odds I beat. Sometimes life doesnt seem worth trying for anymore, but I remeber that I was totally given a second shot at life and I dont think I wouldve gotten it if someone didnt think i deserved it and knew that I would someday be happy. *sigh* I havent been completely happy the past few days, now I know why and I'm doing something about it. I hate the way that I let other people have some control over my feelings. It sucks, it blows, and I once again vow to never let that happen again. I dont know if that person is reading this, or even knows this is about them, but if the shoe fits...... I have finals tomorrow, wish me luck! Hopefully the anxiety will go away after that. Ugh..l tottally forgot. Amado Pe�a, (he'a a southwest paintor) who gave me a scholarship is going to be in town and invited me and some other people bowling then to Cafe Central. I have to find something scholarly and sweet to wear. I'm gonna hit him up for an increase in my scholarship, The anxiety will end when he says "yes". :D ohhhhh before I forget, RYAN, THE LAKERS WILL ALWAYS ROCK!

I'm sick of everything school related. I hate it allllll. The only thing I'm going to miss in the summer is the people at school, the Escalade guys, and Scoopy's. I can always drive up there anyway. I have all 3 of my finals on Thursday, which should be fun. :/ But hey, summer is officially less than a week away and I am ready for it. Although we wont be going to Vegas as planned, we might go some other time during the summer. I know Gaby and Nepha are going to come to Dallas with Aaron and I, so it'll be fun. I might go to PHX with JImmy this summer too, but he's too skanky and I dont know if I can keep up with his party mode. Cesar asked me to go to Miami in the summer with him too, but I dont want to go there! Theres so many hott chicks with gorgeous faces, big fake boobs and tight abs, I don't need any low self esteem. anyway... This weekend was a blast yet again. Friday I went to Erin's Bar again with Ju-Ju, Margaret, Albert, Yanar, Yazmin, and Jacob. We had a blast just being retards and dancing around. Some gross old man gave me a kiss on the cheek, which totally freaked me out. Then on Sat. I went to Joe Wardy's victory party, which was super fun. I got so trashed and afterwards Ju-Ju and I went to the Bryar Patch (gay bar) and we hung out there, Corn-Fed was there so we had a blast talking with him and all these other gay guys that kept saying hi to us. I realized alot of things this weekend too, as far as things that make me happy and things that stress me out. I have decided to stop selling myself so damn short all the time and letting people walk over me, because it's getting old already. I am getting older and I'm realizing that my life is totally what I make of it. I haven't ever really spoken up or done anything to help me out of fear. Fear of my peers and elders, and fear of failing. But now that I've been taking risks, I see that you don't always fail and that trying things out can only make me a stronger person. oooooookay ::gets off soapbox:: I'm working on a new layout, maybe i'll stop being lazy and finish it, who knows! and i have a question: Do guys ever worry that their number of sex partners is too high? Hit up the comments and let me know!

I had a nice long post typed up, but blogger killed it. :/ It said stuff about erins on friday, coach poss's party on saturday, how I have tonsillitis and i sound like robocop and the godfather, etc etc etc. I'm pissed now.

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Yesterday was a very interesting day. I went to school, went to Jack in the Box, and then I went to Gaby and Nepha's. We hung out for a while, then I called Mike, who I had talked to on aim the night before. He was in town staying at his mom's place, he had come so she could meet her grandduaghter. Isn't that insane? A guy that I dated last year is now a dad. So i called him, and he told me to go over so I could see his baby, and as I was driving over there I was shitting bricks. I was really nervous and excited and scared and I was just wondering what it would be like to see him holding his baby. Well when I saw Coriel, I was just in awe, she was so beautiful and chubby (i love fat babies) and her eyes were sooo blue. She looks just like Mike. Then we went back to Gaby and Nepha's so they could see Coriel and they flipped too. She is such a gorgeous baby! As far as what I felt when I saw Mike, I couln't help but think he was hott, because well, he is. He is the embodiment of a "Lisa Guy" physically and I did swoon when I saw him, but he's married, although he kind of implied that he wasn't happy with the marraiage at all. He asked me to go out for a drink with him that night, and I said yes, but we didnt end up going, which is just as good, because I don't know how 2 people with a past like ours might have handled the situation with a few drinks in us. Instead Ju-Ju came down to Las Cruces too and him and Nepha and I went to Grahm's and partied it up there. We were in Ju-Ju's car drinking some tall boys and we started talking about something really weird, I can't even remember, but it had to do with penis, and Ju-Ju said that it had to go on the website, so here it is! Nepha and I were silly hott after the tall boys and we were just dancing around at the club, trying to shake off the gross guys. This one guy came up to me and put a lei on me, he was with one of my guy friends, just a HUGE creep. Then when we were leaving, he RAN after me, and he started feeding me some bullshit story about how I just thought he was a drunk ass trying to hook up, but he really "wanted to get to know me" and wanted my number. So I gave him Gaby and Nepha's number! hahaha Then after that, we drove by the Pi Kappa Alpha house and there were a lot of cars, so we figured they were having a little party, sure enough I see a bunch of skank ass Pi Betta Phi's walk out and then we see THE Escalade. So we stake it out for a while, but the guy doesnt come out, but a bunch of other people do, so we take off. But then Nepha and I went back like at 3:00 am and left a note on his car. Psycho much? yeah But we were pretty drunk so it made PERFECT sense to do it. I am serious this time. I vow to quit drinking. I'm such an asshole when I drink, I hate it. I left a note on some guys car telling him he was cute and he should call me......I've reached a new all-time low. Well, maybe he will call and take me to formal! hahaha

Yesterday was a blast as well. I was walking around campus and I bumped into Victor, for those of you that know, Tonchi-Tonchis! hahahahaha So we're walking and making small talk and he asks me for my number because he lost it when he switched cell phones, I couldn't be rude so I gave it to him and he asked if I wanted to go out with him sometime. I said sure, but I don't think I would. Proof that I am not a gold digger and I don't date guys based on monetary intentions. Then I bumped into Gaby outside of the library and I got to wait for her while her lame-ass study group and her did their work. I swear, she has the most annoying classmates in her program. I dont know what I would do if I was her. Then we went to grb a bite to eat at the mall, and we went back to her place and watched Dawson's Creek and Sleepless in Seattle. Aaron called me and asked me if I would pick him up and go get something to eat, so I did that too. I picked him and Dan the Man up and we went to subway and I watched them eat and listen to their asshole remarks. Then I dropped them back off so they could finish their engineering project. Then Gaby was too tired to go out, so we just watched TV for a while. Then Dan and Aaron call back at like 11:30 and ask me if I want to go have a beer with them at the TKE house so of course I said yes, but then 12:30 rolls around and they aren't there. :( We werent even able to get any beer by the time they showed up, so we just stayed there and watched tv, then we went to Jack in the Box. That was my awesome night. Hanging out with Dan was awesome, just laughing at all the dumb ass shit we did last year and reminicing about the days when we were neighbors and would swipe stuff from each others fridges. hahaha Aaron kept cracking both of us up, and I'm sure the boat will bring even more awesome times. Those Delta Zeta and Zeta Tau Alpha skanks better watch out.

Last night was such a blast! Ju-Ju, Gaby, Nepha, Margaret,Charlie and I went to Double Daves. It was an awesome time. We drank LOTS of Woodchuck and we had a great time. We met some weird guys there, there wereTONS of hot guys, and best of all, I saw Brian Givens there. He cut his hair! :( He no longer has that cute blonde 'fro that set him apart from everyone else, but he looks waaaaaay hott without it. We talked for a while and he was really sweet as usual, and I couldnt stop smiling. :D After DD's we went to Grahms Corner and had a drink there, but it was kind of lame so we went to Erin's, which was packed, but we all looked like trash, and there were some skanky girls there, so we didnt meet any guys there. We sang kareoke (because thats what drunk people do best) and we picked Gin and Juice as our song. You shouldve seen when the song started, like 10 people ran up there and started singing with us. We totally rocked that bar, more so than the guy who had just done Ice Ice Baby!!! hahahaha We were all pretty tired after that and Gaby and Nepha still had to drive to Las Cruces, so we all headed on out home.Saturday I think Gaby and I are going to the activation party for the geeks, errr, i mean TKE's, hahaha, j/k boys!

I had the weirdest dream last night. Nepha, you're going to kill me for even DREAMING about any other guy at school again (Escalade Pike guy who might be trailer guy but we're not sure who's who anymore). I had a dream, with Luke. hahaha yes it was a wondeful dream. He called me from Buffalo and told me that he couldn't get me out of his mind, and that he hadnt felt that way about anyone in a long time. So somehow, he ends p driving back to NMSU and picking me up and taking me back to Buffalo. The whole time I'm like, how can this guy be so sweet? He takes me to his house in Buffalo, I meet his parents and his little sister, and we just end up cuddling and hugging and I swear it felt soooooo real. (doesnt it always) It was just so weird that I wuld even dream something like that about Luke, but yeah. I dont think he's going to be calling my ass anytime soon. hahaha He's a moron. Anyway... I went to Mitla with the gang on Saturday like I had mentioned. Heres a few pictures of the trip to Juarez: Julian's self portrait in Al-Pals Cherokee, Meg is the blonde looking out the window. Me drinking a Tecate, it was sooo good! (even though HE disagrees!) Fat Albert and Ju-Ju posing with the stuffed dear head right by our table. It grossed Margaret out to look at it while she was eating! This is what we all ate, a sirloin steak that was falling off te plate. They have the best sirloin there, hands down! I didnt finish it, but I did pretty good. After our glutonous adventure at the Mitla, we went over to Applebee's in Juarez and had some Dos XX Brewtus'. That girl was our bartender and she ended up being super awesome. We al took her partying with us afterward to Hippo's! Like I said, good times! The girls name was Gina and she's from Guadalajara and used to work as a bartender on the beach at Puerto Vallarta. She doesnt speak english very well, but we all speak fluent spanish so we were able to talk. She told us about this one time, when the other girls that worked at the bar would "teach her" english. Well one day, Kobe Bryant comes to her bar, and her "friends" prompt her to speak english like they had taught her to Kobe. So she walkes up to him, sets a napkin down, looks up, smiles and then says "Hi Nigger!" hahahahahahhahaha Kobe didnt stay for a drink! hahahaha She has some whack ass friends, shes lucky she didnt get her face beaten in. My spring break is over. :( booo But i get to go back to school and work and not be a bum all day. I am planning on going to vegas as soon as finals are over! Which is the first week in may. I need to stop eating junk as of NOW and going back to the gym. I'll save a ton of money from eating out anyway. Im thinking about finding another job also. Maybe at a bar? haha who knows. I'll have to see what teh situation is like. Ok i officially make no sense. I'll stfu before Ruca features me on "cam girls say the dumbest things" on Cam Mafia!

OMG!!! I am going to see DMB with Aaron this summer in Dallas! Un-fuckin-belivable! I am so stoked, we got awesome seats, we're going to road trip, we're going to have a blast! AARON I LOVE YOU$#@#@%#@! I am about to go to Juarez to have lunch with Al-Pal, Ju-Ju,and Meg. We're going to this place called Mitla, so fuckin good. I'll take the cam with me and get pictures! ahhh I;m bouncing off the walls! bye!

HE made THIS for me. I love him. Sorry for the lack of updates, but I havent been feeling like myself lately. I'm kind of confused about alot of things and i'm not sure whats real and what isn anymore. All I do know is that this feeling will go away soon and soon enough I'll have answers to alot of my quesions. Do you ever feel like youre a huge joke? Thats kind of how I feel right now. I miss schooland work, I'll be glad once I go back. It's hard to try to fill the emptiness on your own. I had some doubt before, but now I'm sure. Mayb I'm too sensetive. I do know one thing though, I am not going to be played for a fool anymore. If you read that and it hit home, good. I'm not direscting it anyone in particular, but for the people who say they care about me, dont say things unless you mean them. And i always mean what i say. Have a nice day.

St. Patty's Day rocked this year! Gaby, Daniel, Nepha, Mario, Ju-Ju, 2 of marios friends and I went to Bennigans in Las Cruces. It was soooo awesome. My beer wasnt green, so I was a little pissed about that, but we had an awesome time. The only bad point was when Nepha turned into the drunk bitch that she's so capable of becoming. Mario said that when Nepha and I were fighting, that some chick was behind us and we kept pushing her arm and her beer kept on spilling all over her. hahahahaha stupid bitch, she should have just moved somewhere else. Gaby and I ended up in line to try to get inside Bennigans, when some guy cuts right in front of us and says "I'll give you 20 bucks if you let me go first." So we gladly let him cut in line, went inside, and had diner on him. More people should pay us for random things. (no sexual favors pervs) I'm happy, tonight is gonna rock also I hope. I dont know. ahh, i'm all jittery. bye.